Can't Write This Stuff

Sometimes things just shouldn’t go unnoticed:

Lazy Daredevil to Lie Across 12 Couches

LAS VEGAS—In his greatest feat to date, lazy daredevil Pete “The Idler” Nucci will attempt to lie across 12 couches in under an hour this Friday evening. “These ain’t your typical namby-pamby little Japanese loveseats,” said Col. Chester Llewelyn, Nucci’s manager. “No sir. We’re talkin’ over 72 feet of American-made, La-Z-Boy softness.” Nucci’s last daring performance—an October attempt to lounge across nine hammocks—was thwarted when he crashed out on the fifth one and couldn’t be revived for several tense minutes.

And, then, there’s simply the obvious…or obviously ridiculous:

Terror Experts Warn Next 9/11 Could Fall On Different Date

January 6, 2009 | Issue 45•02

ChertoffMichael Chertoff cautions citizens to accept the possibility of a 5/24.